Five Squirrels from Sexual Snake Bite: A 5 Squirrel Rating for the Show.

Greetings Cast, Cult and listeners.
I've been following along for what feels like a decade. Something like that...FUCK if Iknow... i know I had a head full of hair when i first started listening. Not so much anymore.... it's worth it. Mostly....mostly....
I also have become immune to AIDS and herpes due to my constant weekly exposure at controled, regular intervals.

Meet the cast; and their respective descriptions. (Insert description here and relate them to cheese, cause that is the mission, specifically.)

- ParmeShawn cheese is old and smells really bad. it only tastes good when paired with something bland for contrast. The good thing about it is that it has a long shelf life and has lots of good stories to tell. But, like a walmart shipping service, needs to work on it's delivery a bit. But we should ask ourselves: where would we be without it...?

- Nick nacho cheese lynch, cause that shit runs, but at the same time goes with everything. Sitting there in silent glory, probably with a baller ass sweater on getting ready to say and or do something legendary. That chill ass frog in the back... and stuff. What's not to like.

- Ranch Dressing. It's like bleu cheese right? Whatever.

- Gorgonzola, the smelliest and most ancient cheese aka machine gun homeless. Has no honor to speak of. But - But! he did shoot a gun that one time. I wish for good fortune upon you and your people. I know what it's like when you can't tell anymore whether you're lucky or unlucky in life. Just keep living it. Fuck it.

- Savage is like that cheese in the back of the fridge that i would feel bad throwing out, but I know I probably should. But I just put it in the microwave untill it turns to something useful and or goes ballistic. If it grows hair, destroy it. And something about reddit.

Looking forward to more juSt az guud times.

— Anonymous listener

Five stars from Marc M: Holy shit. Somebody was hammered. Disregard previous review

— Anonymous listener

Five stars from Marc M: I wanted to wait a decade for this review, but I couldn’t hold out that long, just like Aaron with his hand. The anniversary of the five squares ogre that tracked me down after some nasty shit that the original patreon group supported me through. Yeah, there’s an episode called fighting Jeremy because I was hammered and finally divorced. The offer stands. Shawn, we shared some good meals. And, good stories. Aaron, the few times we’ve talked I can tolerate you. I know damn well your I.Q. Is 67 but I still like you ish. Savage…. In your words “who the fuck is Marc” you die first.

— Anonymous listener

Five stars from Kevin: You guys are the best I look forward to listening
To you ever week. I listening from episode 1 about 2
Years ago thanks for all the laughs and knowledge.

— Anonymous listener

Five stars from Robert S: I love the podcast and can’t wait for the new episodes to find out what is happening in your lives But I have to listen to it with my wife not in the car because she doesn’t like it.

— Anonymous listener

Five stars from your mom: This is not a cleaning service

— Anonymous listener

Five Stars from I dye my pubes, too: Shawn, lately I’ve been hearing you use the term “gun people” to refer to those in the firearms industry. Frankly, I find the lumping of the diverse individuals in the gun community under a single term to be racist, homophobic, and overall bigoted. As a rimfire-American, you owe it to those around you to show proper respect for others’ background and struggles.

Nick is a good upstanding centerfire-American.

I’m not sure what Jeremy is but considering he was made after 1898 I believe he may be illegal for civilians, or if you have to ask how much you can’t afford it.

Aaron is a shotshell-American. Just remember, it’s a major faux pas to ask him his ga(y?)uge.

Savage is a muzzleloader.

— Anonymous listener

Five Stars from Hareeb Alls: Great podcast, I try to time the episodes with my commute to work. I realized that I was failing as a parent as my kids had never seen the Goonies so while watching with them, I couldn’t help but realize how closely the cast matched some of the characters.

Shawn is obviously Mikey the main character with delusions of grandeur, horribly failing at trying to keep the show on the rails while mainly focused on finding ways to attain new gear (treasure) to keep for himself.

Nick would be Brandon, Mikey’s older brother. Not for his athleticism but because he seems like the quiet older brother type who at times will drop in with some wisdom or just a desire to shit on both literally and figuratively other’s ideas or dumb moments all while hanging out with those that he feels are below him.

Aaron while it seemed would be close between Mouth because he never knows when to shut his and Chunk for his inability to do anything positive other than provide some comedic relief with the “truffle shuffle” it doesn’t really matter because they are just supporting characters that don’t bring any depth to the story.

Savage would clearly be Data both in stature and always wanting to provide some physical thing to make the group story better because they are both empty inside. Every now and then they will come up with a win and cling to it.

Jeremy, clearly, is sloth. A large overbearing presence who desires to be the center of attention but always comes through in the end even when someone like Aaron (Chunk) needs help. I can just hear him yelling “Hey you guys!” in my head.

All in all, highly recommended for anyone who wants to listen to a handful of friends talk and discuss firearm related material.

— Anonymous listener

Five Stars from Jesse K: The members of this podcast seem like the guys who could be your best friends...if you like being friends with assholes. Thank you.

— Anonymous listener

Five Stars from Erik H: Great show great into. Have a suggestion to change up gunfights. Have it like trivia where each player has a whiteboard. Questions can be asked and then each player reveals their answer at the same time. Could have a lot of fun asking him related trivia. Keep it going

— Anonymous listener

Fiive Stars from Long, Richard Sr.: Great informational podcast, always on top of news and new products from not only their sponsors but new products in the industry as well, good source of satisfaction if you have mild autism or if you’ve been asking yourself if you think it’s ok to have relations with your pets/neighbors dog

— Anonymous listener

Five Stars from Ryan: I fucking do not like this podcast. I don’t know what any of these gun wielding monsters look like but I do not plan to look them up because I’m sure I’d be disappointed. One of them sounds like he/him has a sinus infection all the time. I do appreciate the use of some old school words in this podcast such as retard and faggot, it brings me back to my childhood. This podcast is like a strip club, it’s dirty and boring but you can’t stop coming back. I love this podcast.

— Anonymous listener